Reading between the lines—(How to help your man enjoying shopping)
By: April Mills
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You hear the expression “Read between the lines” in business, with friends and you may even find yourself using this slogan.  What does it really mean?  If everyone could read between the lines we could get to the solution or root of a problem faster.    Specifically, understanding the opposite sex better could be accomplished if we all could read between the lines.  Here is an example that every couple will face – shopping at the mall.  Women think we can spend quality time with our man and shop at the same time.  Women know that we are queens of multitasking and carry this through our daily task.  Men prefer to start and stop something, work in a straight line and know that they achieved the end goal.  Women achieve the same goal; however the path to the goal is different.  When a woman asks her man to go shopping and makes the mistake of saying “I need a black skirt” then the man says to himself – I can go to the mall and help find a black skirt – that is easy.  Ladies, you know how the story ends – you get to the mall, your man finds a black skirt and he is ready to leave.  Women often think “What is wrong with him, it’s a black skirt but how do I know it’s the right one – I want to spend time with him and shop around.”  You don’t want to drive your man crazy, but you want to know your options. While the woman is looking for a black skirt, her main goal is to spend quality time with her man. The man then becomes frustrated, refuses to shop anymore and wants to leave.  He may start yawning, stomping his feet or rushing her along.  The woman then gets upset and an argument takes place.  Why?  I believe, because men think in straight lines and are very goal oriented.  It goes back to their childhood games, all team sports with a coach that directs the team, they listen and take orders.  The goal is to win – they all work towards that goal of winning the game and do not care how – but they must get to the goal.  Women grew up playing with dolls and learning to negotiate, ensuring that everyone was happy.  Yes, they work as a team; however they are all on the same page because they talked through it.  Boys must get to the goal.  Going back to the mall example the woman clearly gave an order – black skirt, the man finds a black skirt – he reached the goal – it’s time to celebrate and leave the mall.  Women must learn to communicate in a different manner if they want their man to shop with them.  She must describe the day as “I need to find a black skirt and I would like you to come with me.  We will go into a couple different stores and walk the mall and maybe get lunch.”  The guy might hang out with you on those terms, which is ultimately what you want.  Explaining the end results and the path to the goal will help you. How can you use this with a male counterpart at work?  The same way – be upfront and explain your goals and the path you plan to travel to get to those goals.  Let him know when you need him and what is specifically expected of him. Then, just like at home, honor his accomplishment when he does what you want him to do with out acting like that is ‘not enough’.  This way neither one of you will feel betrayed or unsuccessful.  Reading between the lines is a hard thing to accomplish; nonverbal communication is the key to understanding the differences between men and women and how to improve your interactions.  May this enhance the most important ‘team’ in your life, your personal relationship. Learn to be upfront and always work towards your goals.   April M. Mills is a graduate of Chatham College and very involved in Business Development and Marketing.  She has a strong interest in looking out for ‘us’ vs just ‘me’ and can be reached at: amills@dixon-hughes.com PH: 919.875.4979

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