A Man Founded a
Powerful Women’s Discussion Group. What?
by Martin
Brossman
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Hello, I’m Martin Brossman and yes, I am a man (smile). I think it would be more accurate to say, instead of being the "founder", that last year I responded to the request for a "Women's Inquiry". Since creating the Men's Inquiry (www.toinquire.com) in 1996, numerous women, hearing what the men’s group was about, began asking, "When are you going to have a women's Inquiry?" When I finally realized they were serious, I knew I could start the first one, but would need some good women to lead it in the future.
I knew that a women’s version of the Men’s Inquiry would take on a different personality and that intrigued me, since I have a deep passion for how distinguishing the masculine and feminine can enhance our lives and relationships. And I need to be very clear, I am not interested in any use of this knowledge to enhance separation of the sexes or to prove that one is better or more of a victim than the other.
Having participated in and led other trainings on men's issues, my concept for the Men’s Inquiry was to create an environment where men can profoundly nurture, trust and emotionally support each other. It is a place where we explore ourselves and embrace our full humanity. The design of the questions fosters the exploration of the unexplored, that which is just outside our awareness, in a way that gives us more freedom and power. Our meeting honors the true essence of masculine energy in a way that supports all life. The premise of this work is that often the behaviors, beliefs, and values which have the most influence on our lives are just outside our conscious awareness. It is easier to change something once we become more conscious of it. Through this inquiry we can discover what we have not been aware of, allowing us to claim it or change it. A shared dialogue encourages a broadened and more supported view from which we can become more of who we really want to be. Thankfully, after several months of formative changes, the Women’s Inquiry began to take on life when a winning team of women came forward to lead it. I met with Amy Sky and explained the vision: that it was based on the use of questions about our lives to be explored in a way that enhanced connection between the participants and also enhanced their lives; that its design was a contribution to society, never to be charged for.; that the participants would honor the vision and then let the Inquiry evolve to serve them.. I was deeply touched that Amy could understand my vision and wanted to be a moderator.
Barbara Carr then agreed to serve as co-moderator, inserting one “caveat” that she would be a watchdog for male-bashing or people wallowing in their emotions ( based on previous experience in women’s gatherings). She now happily reports that the Inquiry is holding true to its higher-level vision!
To illustrate the similarities and differences in the Men’s and Women’s format, I’ll describe the Men’s. It starts at 7:30 pm when the men share whatever they need to be fully present, typically mentioning a current challenge in their life. The question begins at 8 pm, e.g., How do we give our women our strength without dominating or acquiescing? It’s tossed out like a ball going up in the air until someone breaks the silence with a comment. The discussion goes until 9:15 PM, when the men contribute what they gained from the evening , and perhaps what they are inspired to commit to.
Although the women’s meeting originally tried to hold to a similar “ball game” format, It has been finding its own voice, pleasantly morphing into a soft, nurturing session which allows personal needs and concerns to be gently expressed and addressed. .Magically, Barbara and Amy say, the monthly question seems to speak to someone’s special need. . A zone of safety is in place for authentic expression, since all Inquiry meetings begin with a verbal agreement of confidentiality.
So, every third Tuesday, I am proud to give up my house to 6 to 16 women at 7:00 PM,. and return when the discussion ends, after 9:00 PM . I can tell you what a gift it is to see the women after the meeting. They look powerful, and beautiful, like their souls have been fed. Often the conversations continue quite a bit after 9:00 PM!.
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